I get really depressed when I go on my Facebook or my Myspace (which I hardly go on anymore) and I see old friends or people I used to know and their lives are ten times better than mine. Or so it seems.
I was on the same path as most of these people in school, but theirs led to exciting lives and careers, and mine led to where I am today which really is nowhere.
I look at people I used to know, and people I now know and I have all this jealousy inside of me and it makes me want more than them so I can show off my new house/car/boat and post pictures of them on the Internet so others will be envious of me.
I hate feeling this way. I don't want my life to comprise of me wanting and trying to get what others have because I feel that their lives are better.
I want to live my life the way I always meant to. When I was a child I wanted to travel the world. Meet new exciting different people. Have lots of friends. None of this has happened.
Sure, I have traveled the US extensively, but that is pretty much it.
I wanted to live in Europe for a few years. Go to India and explore. Japan. Australia.
None of this has happened and I don't know why. I don't know what has stopped me. I guess I blame having the kid since I would have never been able to bring him. Money. Couldn't afford it.
I am beginning to realize that the only thing that truly stops you from doing anything is yourself. There are always ways to make things work. You just have to be creative and willing to make a few sacrifices if you want something bad enough.
I don't want what others have. I need to keep reminding myself when I think about how much better other peoples lives are than mine.
I really don't. It is programmed in my head that I do, but deep down I know I don't. It is hard to keep telling yourself that.
I am focused on my future, and what I want for MYSELF and MY family. That is all I need to worry about, and I am going to take it one step and day at a time.
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